Chayei Sarah

Uncategorized 6 Minutes

This past Shabbat (Sabbath), many in the Jewish community are reflecting upon the rabbinic teachings connected to the weekly biblical reading of “Chayei Sarah” (Genesis 23:1-25:18 ; Kings I 1:1-31). The following is a reflection rooted in these. For more about the sources, please go to www.chabad.org.

This biblical passage is traditionally entitled “Chayei Sarah” which literally means, the life of Sarah. And yet, the passage immediately begins by recounting the death of Sarah and the events that followed. Traditional rabbinic commentary understands this apparent contradiction as a profound lesson in what is true and what is an illusion of this world. Indeed, death is often the life event that causes most of us to begin a spiritual path… we begin to question what happens after we die. This is really the impetus of the spiritual quest… we begin to search and read and reflect and yearn…

The Jewish laws around death and grieving encourage surviving loved ones to recite a special prayer (kaddish) that must be said in a religious community of others who are also grieving, in order to provide extra support to those who are embarking upon this spiritual quest to find comfort and meaning.

Often, it takes a profound loss to crack open our hearts:  we begin to question all that we believed and recognize that all words and theories pale in comparison to the lives experience. This so-called “crisis of faith” is actually a necessary step for its evolution and deepening. It emerges from loss and grief, propelling us further to question assumptions and seek something deeper and more enduring.

Contemporary psychology recognizes that complex grief is beginning to heal when the mourner is able to move past the trauma of a death to remembering the fullness of the life shared. Often times, especially if we were blessed to accompany our loved one and be present as they died, we can become stuck in that memory. It becomes difficult to remember our loved one without recalling that pain, and many of us find ourselves drawn to the solace of avoidance, where we try to simply forget it all, channeling our pain and anger into a complete rejection of faith and a fear of death, which in turn, can lead us to further avoidant coping behaviors.

The experience of watching a body die and seeing its spirit, that we loved and which used to animate them, dissipate- nay, disappear… this experience can cause profound pain and trauma. And yet, with the right support and resources, this can also be the birth pangs of a faith that is deeply rooted in the realization that what we witnessed was the liberation of the soul from a body that could no longer continue to house it.

And so comes the deeper awareness of that which is called faith- an ability to discern what is true and that which is an illusion… the body that we grieve was not our loved one… the experience of sitting with our loved one’s body, lifeless and empty, and realizing that this body is not who we loved, is also the moment of the shattering of the illusion. This body was briefly animated by their soul and luminous spirit, and slowly, began to crumble under the weight of the years and the growing Light and wisdom that was their essence… this body, finite and limited, dust and ashes, dependent upon the forces of this world, destined to die like everything else of this world… finally giving way to the liberation of a soul, brighter and more luminous than anything of this world could begin to contain…

In that recognition, comes the seeds of a faith that deeply opens us up to understanding that death is not real… it is an illusion of this world, that shows us the ways in which everything of this world is simply an illusion, time-bound and finite… what is real and true is the Eternal Life that is implanted within each of us… that spark in our loved one’s eye, the way they laugh, the way they love, the way they know us, the way they continue to shine into our heart and into our life… with eyes willing to see, we begin to see signs of our loved one all around us… in the smiles of their descendants, in the brilliance of a sunset and the ways in which, when we release the hold that thoughts of this world can have upon us, we sometimes feel their love, gently encircling us, like a spiritual hug that warms our hearts…

This is what is true… this Love.. this Light… this enduring Presence… that is our loved one… that open us up to experiencing Eternity in a deeply personal way… that teaches us faith…

We don’t always have words for this experience. Faith communities and books can sometimes give us a vocabulary for this, if we can tolerate the ways in which, too often, humans too often are tempted to transform deep truths and dilute them with earthly impulses like the desire for power and the grasping tentacles of greed, as too often happens in organized religious communities….

But, if we can hold on to that Love, that sense of connection with a realm that is greater and deeper than this world- treasuring those moments when we still feel our loved ones with us, we can find comfort. And slowly, we find ourselves transforming our beliefs, recognizing that the One who cannot be named, is less of a magician and puppet master in the sky, and more of a Powerful Energy  that makes for healing, and that is known to us as Love and Light.

And so it was with Sarah’s son Isaac, and Sarah’s servant Eliezer, who were grieving her loss, and who found solace through love and through signs. The book of Genesis records Eliezer searching for a wife for Isaac, and searching for a sign that would help him to discern the presence and potential for Love in a world that was cruel and unwelcoming to strangers. Rebecca welcomes him and his animals, thereby showing her ability to recognize beyond the illusions of this world, the reality that life, in all of its forms, are deserving of compassion and reverence. Eliezer saw, reflected in her Light, the Light that was Sarah’s when she was embodied, as she graciously would welcome in strangers into her home.

And the biblical text records that Isaac loved Rebecca and was comforted for the loss of his mother. A brief and terse sentence that contains great depth, speaking to the infinite ways that each of us find comfort, often in the arms of another, seeking an experience of Love that can heal us, Love that can penetrate deeply past the wounds from events of this world, to help us see that the only things that endures is Love and that true Love is a bright and shining Light to which our soul joins and connects, and that, once we are connected to that Eternal Source, we begin to see clearly the signs and ways that our loved ones’ Light and Wisdom and Love and Beauty continues to shine brightly into this world…

And then, we begin to see the ways in which our loved ones did not really die… rather their bodies were laid to rest, but their spirits shine even more brightly, unencumbered by the pain and challenges of this world, and their Light continues to radiate for each of us… illuminating signs and messages that can help us to discern that there is a reality deeper than what we had previously seen… a truth more luminous than words can ever contain… a faith brighter than any religion can ever describe… a Love that is strong enough to heal us all… loving us into life… Chayeinu…. This is our life… and this is perhaps why, in Hebrew, the word for life: “Chayim” is plural- to remind us that there is a life beyond the life we live in this world… that the Life that is a facet of the One whose Presence is everything is eternal and unending, and the One Truth that enlivens the universe.

And when we can recognize this, then we, like Isaac, will find ourselves loved and comforted…

Published by rabbi n siritsky

Originally from Montreal, Canada, I studied in Jerusalem at several Orthodox yeshivas, prior to beginning my studies as a Reform rabbi at Hebrew Union College. I am a second generation Holocaust survivor, and early on, wanted to do whatever I could to build a world where hatred and prejudice would never again have the upper hand. For me, studying Judaism from traditional perspectives was crucial because “it was important to understand what we are reforming”. I believe in making educated choices from the rich set of resources provided by Jewish tradition, in order to ensure that every ritual and prayer is meaningful. I was a founding board member of the Society of Classical Reform Judaism (now Roots of Reform), due to my unwavering commitment to advocacy for interfaith families and the creation of inclusive Jewish communities that are unconditionally welcoming of all spiritual seekers, regardless of their religious background, relationship status, identity or Hebrew speaking ability. In addition to nearly two decades working in synagogues, teaching, counseling and participating in life cycle events, I am also a social worker, psychotherapist, mediator and trained as an interfaith chaplain. I worked with the American Red Cross after 9/11, providing counseling and support at the family assistance center, Ground Zero and the morgue. My doctoral research was focused on burnout and compassion fatigue, as part of my years of work in hospice and palliative care. My life experiences have taught me hope and how to cultivate resilience and wisdom. This blog reflects my attempts to distill rabbinic wisdom into insights that can speak to all people. I have dedicated my life to healing and spiritual alchemy. I first began the writings that formed the basis of this blog as part of my role as Vice President of Mission for KentuckyOne Health, an interfaith hospital system that brought together Catholic, secular and Jewish hospital systems, in order to bring wellness, healing and hope to all, including the underserved. I began my weekly reflections on the Torah portion, in order to share some of Jewish Hospital's heritage and values with staff that may not have known much about Judaism. These reflections were then shared by staff with others who asked to be placed on my blind copy list, as well as by the system mission leader of Catholic Health Initiatives to his own reader list, along with his own reflections. I have been profoundly humbled by the reactions to these writings, and as more people have asked to have access to them, I eventually worked to overcome my discomfort with the internet in order to publish them online. I realized that Jews and non-Jews were drawn to my inclusive interpretations of the biblical text, and my reflections on how to apply these in our every day. I believe that, much like the Sufi teaching that describes all the religions of the world like different prayer beads, with the same string of truth that runs through each of them, so too can these ancient spiritual and mystical teachings can come to life, when we reflect on the echoes of other world traditions and by contemporary psychological theory. As my professional journey has continued to evolve, and I have found myself transitioning from pulpit rabbi to community rabbi, to who I am becoming as I seek to move beyond all labels, I have found that this site remains an important way for people to get to know me, and understand my theology. I am fundamentally committed to the sacred act of translation- seeking to discern the Divine through text and life, and to translate those words of Torah and wisdom into reflections that can speak to people of all faith traditions... and in so doing, hopefully encouraging others to do the same. We are all created in the Image of G!d, and as such, each of us has our own unique understanding of the Sacred. In the same way as the rabbis teach that if even one letter from the scroll of the Torah is missing, the entire Torah has lost its sacredness (is no longer kosher), so too is this world diminished so long as people silence themselves. For too long, organized religion has been used as a weapon, to keep people silent and to teach shame... my quest as a rabbi, and indeed, as a human being, is to work to translate religious teachings into redemptive and healing truths, to seek to liberate s/Spirit and to work toward "tikkun olam" (the healing of the universe). My current rabbinate is dedicated to teaching and mentoring other rabbis, and working with interfaith families, as well as those traditionally marginalized from mainstream Judaism. In the same way as the holiness of the Jewish prayer shawl (tallit) can be found in its fringes (tzitzit) so too do I believe that the most important contribution I can make to the Jewish people is "Keruv" (helping people find their way home), and to the broader world is "shleimut" (helping people to find wholeness). I also serve G!d as a social worker, doing what I can to work for justice for all people. It is my prayer that the insights in this blog will bring healing and insight to others, and encourage others to find their voice and path. Thank you for your time reading my work.

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